Fear

Fear.  I has lots of it.  But, lets face it I’m a parent so I wander around life a ball of fear and stress, punctuated by moments of awesome.

When H approached me about the opportunity of moving to Saudi I had the rational knee jerk reaction of hell no.  Why would I move my family into one of the most volitale areas of the world?  And then Newtown happened, and I raced home from work to hold my own children and mourn those children whom parents couldn’t hug anymore.  And at that moment I changed.  Everything that we all assume and take for granted vanished in an instant.  We only have the perception of safety.

And, that was a paradigm shift in my view of Saudi.  If an idyllic city and school can be the scene of such needless horror then where are we safe?  If my reasoning for not wanting to move to Saudi rests firmly on my concerns of safety and yet we will live in a compound surrounded by walls and guarded by soldiers and the kids school will be the same, then who am I to claim our existence here is any safer?

I still, as we pack and sell things, wonder if we made the right choice.  I will always have that nagging cloud hovering above, judging my choices and feeding my fears.  But, my confidence in this choice overwhelms that cloud.  Life is full of fear, but my hope is that by embracing this move that my children learn that fear is okay but allowing life to be dictated by it is not.  That focusing on a media feed about a place does not dictate the reality of that place.  That taking a risk it worth it, and having the family together is imperative.  And, above all, that taking the first step off a cliff is the best decision of all.

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