So, lately I have found myself listening to a lot of leaving songs. Not in an existential way, I’m not zenning out to enya while rocking in a corner. More, I seem to naturally gravitate to them, on every radio station. I guess it is all very real now. We have 6 days left until we put him on a plane for two months in the Kingdom. I renewed our newspaper subscription only through December 14. So it seems only fitting that I need to hear the songs of leaving as I prepare to do the same.
And at the same time, in the last few days I have found out wonderful news from two friends and yet, I face the stark reality that I will have to celebrate the culmination of this excitement from afar. It is so hard to comprehend not being close enough to hold hands, give hugs and listen face to face. To know that our beloved N will be two years older and we won’t get to see him everyday. To not be able to share daily life is a requirement of the move but the effects are so much deeper on the psyche than when I left the great state of LA to go to college.
So, it is not a surprise I have retreated into my shell a bit. The world is spinning so fast right now, so many to-do lists, so much emotion, so much leaving and going away. I find being alone with my thoughts (with an occasional meow from the furry one) is cathartic. It gives me a safe place to process all of this and prepare to be the emotional rock my family needs me to be.